WHAT A NIGHT.....

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When I went to perform at Verbalise (spoken word night at The Brewery Arts Centre, Kendal) yesterday evening, little did I realise what a den of iniquity I was entering. Apart from my own smutty offering (Who's Online? from WORD PIE), guest poet, Joy France from Manchester, unexpectedly provided volunteers with a strange 'drug.' At first I thought it was something that would bring the audience to rapturous applause (If only I could find something like that!) but, strangely enough, it was unconnected with her performance. It was a tablet that melted in the mouth and made everything taste sweet for about thirty minutes. Volunteers each let a tablet melt in the mouth and were then offered lemons and vinegar to taste. They found them so sweet that in some cases could not continue with the tasting. Strange and amazing. Very entertaining. Surprising what happens at a spoken word night.

Great jokes from droll performer, Gavin Wilshaw; and our host, Ann Wilson, kept us giggling with her nonsensical chatter. She has the gift of making everyone laugh, no matter what she says. Other regular performers, who always produce original and entertaining work, included Big Charlie Poet and John Scott.

I read a piece of flash fiction, and new poems, including the one following:

FRUSTRATIONS OF AN EMAILER

Good afternoon, I want to know

When my goods are packed to go.

Sorry, we cannot tell you that.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY

Good afternoon, Can you say

If my order's on its way?

Sorry, we cannot tell you that.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY

I wrote to you sometime ago

To send me tickets for a show.

Sorry, we don't know your name.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY

Will you write and tell me soon

If my appointment is at noon?

Sorry, we cannot tell you that.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY

The lot of you can go to hell.

I ain't got no more to tell.

I'm getting off this carousel.

Don't want a bloody thing you sell.

Another order I'll not send.

So don't pretend to be my friend.

Don't email me with tales of woe

You know where you can fucking go!

And by the way.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY!!